


i know you (and i want you)

by zedangos



Category: Hermitcraft RPF
Genre: Eye Gouging, Getting Together, M/M, Mild Gore, Pining, but if youre sensitive to that stuff you may wanna click away, evil clones, i think, its mentioned but not described, minecraft personas ONLY
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-04
Updated: 2020-07-04
Packaged: 2021-03-04 18:21:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,196
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25060783
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zedangos/pseuds/zedangos
Summary: Etho spends years comfortably hiding with his secret. Then Helsknight appears.
Relationships: Etho/Daniel M. | VintageBeef
Comments: 5
Kudos: 150





	i know you (and i want you)

**Author's Note:**

> hi! first off this is my first hermitcraft fic, if you see the anime fic on my page then no you dont. figured i would start it off my favs. if y'all like beeftho please come talk to be on tumblr, its the same as here. i absolutely adore them.  
> anyway, im aware this is a kinda similar premise to window pane by blueticked. i did think of this just before seeing their fic, but i absolutely adore their fic and you should read it if you haven't already. i mean no harm by posting this.  
> i apologize that this fic is all over the place, im trying to figure out present tense and the way this is written is just kinda weird. i hope you enjoy anyway! <3

Etho gasps, lungs burning and legs wobbling as he races through the forest as fast as he can force his body to move. He doesn’t know what he’s running from; his friends, his home, his new found past, himself? His thoughts flood his mind like a waterfall. Everything he’s known is gone. 

He had always felt like an outcast. His peers kept their distance throughout his younger years, leaving him lonely and confused as to what he had unknowingly done wrong. Everywhere he went, people murmured and muttered and pointed, causing Etho’s heart to drop into his stomach and his hatred for himself to grow. 

It wasn’t until he was a teenager that his thoughts turned dark. Fire. Death. Destruction. It was all he saw when he closed his eyes. It began to consume his thoughts. Eventually, his thoughts turned to doing these things, to hurting the things and the people he loved.

So, like the world did with him, he shut them out. He escaped into his own mind, letting his dark thoughts take over and internally fighting the uncontrollable urge to act on them. He continued about his normal life, building and creating despite his mind telling him to destroy, destroy, destroy.

Something’s wrong with Etho. He doesn’t know what.

He was an adult before he found out. He got a frantic message from his mother, telling him to turn on the news. When he did, he was met with the face of their server’s mayor. He told the people of a threat to their server; an influx of evil “clones” that had come to destroy the server. He told the people to stay calm. And, finally, he told the people to watch out for the key sign of a clone; bright red eyes.

Etho’s world suddenly crashed around him. Years and years of being avoided and outcast and of hating himself all made sense. 

His red eyes are evil.

He is evil.

So he runs. Runs like his life depends on it because Etho feels like it  _ does _ . He had gone so long without knowing why he was so hated, why he was so different from everyone else. Now, the reality of his situation weighed down on him like an anvil tied to his leg; he wasn’t meant to be here.

He pauses to catch his breath, the burning in his lungs becoming unbearable. He almost collapses, legs threatening to give out as his head spins. He has to rid himself of the evil, he  _ needs _ to.

Etho does the only thing he can think of doing. He draws his blade, watching the light bounce off of the smooth material. He swallows back his bile as he raises his sword to his eye, the tip of the blade facing him. With a burst of courage, he thrusts the blade closer, screaming in pain.

Etho wakes with a dull ache behind his eyes. When he opens them, he makes a quick realization; he can’t see out of his right eye. Panic washes over him as he desperately attempts to remember what happened to him.

Oh.

_ Oh. _

“Oh, you’re awake.”

Etho jumps at the sound of the voice, frantically looking around before he spots a man in the corner of the room. He has shaggy dark brown hair and an x-shaped scar on his left cheek. As he rises and steps closer, Etho can see his deep green eyes.

“Hi, I’m Xisuma,” the man greets, now standing over the bed Etho is laying in. “How are you feeling?”

“Where am I?” Etho asks, ignoring Xisuma’s question completely.

Xisuma chuckles. “You’re in my home, the town of Hermitcraft. I found you in the forest, you were in really bad shape, so I brought you here.” He gives Etho a concerned look. “What happened to you?”

“I…” Etho looks down at his hands. He remembers everything, from the burning in his lungs to the unbearable pain in his eyes. “I don’t know.”

If Xisuma doesn’t know that Etho’s evil, then Xisuma doesn’t need to know.

Xisuma frowns. “I’m sorry. But, uh, about your eyes.” Etho freezes.  _ He knows. _ “Well, I’m sure you’ve already figured out that you’ve lost your right eye. We managed to make a glass eye to take its place. But, by some miracle, we managed to save your left one. One of my friends managed to create a health potion strong enough to heal it. You can see out of it alright, yes?” Etho nods. “Great. Unfortunately, you’re left with a pretty big scar. Also, it seems like the potion turned your pupil red? It’s a weird side effect, but—“

“Thank you,” Etho interrupts, sensing that Xisuma ran out of things to say.

“Of course.”

Etho sighs. He’s not sure what to think of this new person. Either Xisuma doesn’t know about what Etho’s eyes mean, or he doesn’t care. 

Etho tries to recall another time a stranger showed him this kindness. He can’t.

“Aren’t you going to ask who I am?”

Xisuma chuckles. “No. Your past does not concern me. I am here to help the person you are now. I will, however, ask your name.”

Etho forces a smile. “It’s Etho.”

Xisuma turns and walks towards the doorway, and Etho finally notices that Xisuma is holding a helmet under his arm. “Well, Etho, I’ll let you rest for a bit.” He pauses, lifting the helmet over his head. “I’ll be right outside if you need me.”

With that, Xisuma places the helmet on and leaves the room.

Days later, Etho’s pain subsides and he moves out of Xisuma’s base. Xisuma had been more kind to him than necessary, in Etho’s opinion. Xisuma kept a close eye on Etho, offering him food, making sure he was feeling okay, and overall making conversation to make Etho feel more comfortable. It feels weird for Etho to allow someone to dote on him like Xisuma does, but the stranger possibly saved his life and Etho finds he can’t say no to the help. So much so, in fact, that Etho decides to set up shop in Hermitcraft. 

He builds himself a small house closeby, and Xisuma gladly supplies blocks for him to do so. It’s hard to build anything beautiful when his mind is telling him to destroy. He sees other members of the town around, but can’t find the courage to say anything.

Xisuma eventually brings Etho to a meeting with other people living in Hermitcraft. Everything runs smoothly at first -- Etho tunes out half of what is said -- until a man with blonde hair and red eyes walks in.

“Hey, sorry I’m late,” he greets, and it takes all of Etho’s composure to stop his jaw from dropping. He sees the same eyes he’s seen every time he’s looked in the mirror. The eyes that signal his evil. 

“No worries, Tango,” Xisuma speaks up from the seat next to Etho.

The blond, Tango, smiles at Xisuma as he sits down. Tango’s eyes flicker to Etho, and Etho swallows his panic at the flicker in Tango’s smile because  _ he knows. _ There’s no doubt that Tango knows who Etho is,  _ what _ Etho is. It terrifies Etho.

He dismisses himself from the meeting quickly, muttering a brief goodbye before retreating to his house. Not even thirty minutes later, there’s a knock on Etho’s door. Etho doesn’t want to open it, but it’s obvious he’s home and his desire to please outweighs any fear of who could be knocking.

He opens his door to be greeted with a smiling Tango.

“Hey, Etho,” he greets. “Can I come in?”

“Yeah,” Etho manages, moving out of the doorway. Tango steps inside, and once he’s past Etho, Etho shuts the door behind Tango.

As soon as the door clicks closed, Tango sighs. “I think you know what I’m here about.”

Etho clears his throat, staring at the back of Tango’s head as Etho tries, “Yeah, I think so.”

Tango turns, a concerned look on his face. “What happened to them?”

“I tried,” Etho runs his fingers over his still-healing scar, “I tried to get rid of them. Gouged them out.”

Etho’s words result in a grimace from Tango, who runs a hand over his face. “That’s,” he mutters, “That’s a lot.”

Etho just nods, unsure of how to respond to such a comment. It’s obvious that Tango is like him, that Tango is evil. That somehow, some way, they both ended up in the wrong universe.

“Do they not know about us?” Etho decides to speak up instead.

“I don’t know,” Tango replies, “I don’t think so? I got here only a couple weeks before you did. No one has ever mentioned it. Everyone is just…  _ normal. _ I’ve never mentioned it to anyone.” Tango sighs again. “I don’t know how they’ve missed it, but they don’t see us as evil. I don’t get how I spent years being avoided for something I didn’t know I was, why I had to spend years and years being consumed with the thought of destroying everything and everyone I’ve ever loved.”

Etho blurts, “I don’t think I’m capable of love,” and he immediately wants to slam his head into the wall next to him because  _ why did he just say that to a complete stranger.  _

Tango just chuckles dryly, “Yeah, I understand that. You’re taught to love your family and friends but it all ends up being a lie, doesn’t it?” He swallows, gaining his composure. “Anyway, I don’t wanna bother you. It’s just overwhelming to meet someone like me.” Etho nods. “Let’s keep an eye out for each other, alright? If something happens, I’ll have your back.”

“Yeah,” Etho replies. His voice is scratchy and doesn’t feel right but it’s good enough for Tango to move back towards the door.

“Alright,” he adds awkwardly, filling the empty space in their conversation. “I’ll see you around.”

With that, Tango is out the door. Etho just stands there, head spinning. Tango understands how Etho feels like no one else. Etho is still terrified.

He needs a nap.

Many normal months later, someone moves in next to Etho. Hermitcraft has quickly become his home, but he still feels like the newbie despite the few others that came along after him. He’s become good friends with Tango, silently bonding over their shared confusion and concern over their situation. He’s gotten to know some of the other Hermits, as they are called, but Etho continues to stick to himself.

When the man moves in, it feels like a culture shock. He’s the exact opposite of Etho; loud and outgoing and easy to talk to. Etho first meets him before he’s even his things up. Etho’s crouched in his front garden when he hears footsteps walking towards him. He looks up to see a man with a beard, dawned in a gray shirt, blue jeans, and an apron with what Etho hopes is redstone on it. 

“Hey,” the man greets, and Etho decides to stand. “Etho, right?”

“Yeah,” Etho replies hesitantly. Now that the man’s close, Etho can see his bright blue eyes and toothy smile.

The man sticks out his hand. “I’m Beef.”

Etho reaches out to shake Beef’s hand. His grip is firm and if Beef didn’t look so kind the act would feel somewhat menacing to Etho. He and Tango had always been wary of newcomers, in fear of one of them exposing the two to the whole town.

“I’m going to be moving in next to you,” Beef continues, filling the empty space that Etho has apparently left by forgetting to say anything in response to the new man. Beef drops Etho’s hand. “Xisuma told me your name, I figured I’d introduce myself.”

“Nice to meet you,” Etho finally speaks, feeling a little awkward at the whole interaction. He hasn’t always been the best with social interaction, but Beef is clearly a natural at it. Etho feels a bit inferior.

“Yeah, you too,” Beef replies with another smile. “Anyway, I’ll leave you to your garden. See you ‘round?”

Etho nods. Beef takes this as an acceptable answer, as he turns on his heels and heads back down the cobblestone path. Etho watches Beef leave for a few moments before humming and returning to his garden.

Years later, Etho stands with a hand on his hip and an eyebrow raised as he and Beef stand in front of some sort of contraption that Beef has made. It’s a small box made of spruce doors with a small sign above it that reads ‘TSDD’.

“Beefers,” Etho sighs, “What is this?”

“It’s a cloning machine,” Beef replies, as if it’s obvious. “The Totally Safe Duplication Device.”

“Have you even tried it yet?” Etho almost wants to laugh at Beef. He looks so excited about his creation.

“Well, kind of,” Beef says, averting his eyes. “I tried it on myself, it turned my eyes green for a little bit, and my clone didn’t have any skin, but other than that it was fine!” Etho focuses on imagining what Beef would look like with green eyes, so much so that the no skin comment almost flies over his head. “Oh! And Wels came over and tried it the other day.”

“How’d it work for him?” Etho asks, trying to focus his mind on green-eyed Beef and not skinless Beef. 

“It didn’t really work, but there weren’t any side effects,” Beef answers, “I’ll take that as a win.”

Etho chuckles. “Yeah. Cloning machines may not be your thing.”

Etho doesn’t see Beef for a few days after his initial introduction to the TSDD. It’s unlike them to not talk for that long of a time; Etho always goes out of his way to make himself present as Beef’s base. Really, he does this for one simple reason.

Etho is in love with Beef.

It started years ago. Even if they were only friends, Beef was Etho’s  _ person.  _ The person he could rely on like no other. Even though Etho had taken a couple months to get comfortable with Beef, he had always been able to make Etho smile like an idiot; something that didn’t happen much. As a whole, Etho doesn’t show his emotions, but around Beef, Etho’s an open book. He has been from the beginning. 

Etho and Beef were inseparable, but it wasn’t until a year or so after the two had met that Etho had realized that his feelings were something other than platonic. He and Bdubs were in the depths of the jungle, working on a project for the NHO. The heat was unbearable; Etho’s warm clothes clung to his body and sweat dripped from his chin. Bdubs wasn’t in better shape, his red headband a deeper shade due to the sweat.

“So,” Bdubs spoke up, clearing his throat. “When are you and Beef getting together?”

Etho choked on his own spit, almost dropping the repeater that he was holding. “What?” he questioned, whipping around the face Bdubs.

Bdubs looked over at Etho, frowning at his surprised expression. “I mean, you have feelings for him, right?" 

"I," Etho croaked. An image of Beef flashed in his mind; one of Beef laying on his back on Etho's floor, smiling and laughing as one of Etho's dogs licked Beef's face. His heart soared, and he responded, "I don't know." 

"Oh, Etho, sweetie," Bdubs drew out, giving Etho a pained expression. "Why am I not surprised?"

Etho had never seen his feeling towards Beef as anything but platonic. Then again, when had Etho ever had non-platonic feelings for anyone? How was he supposed to know what they felt like? Was it even possible for him to feel that? 

It took a little bit for Etho to realize that his actions around Beef were different from his actions around others. He didn't do it on purpose, and who knew how long it had been happening. All Etho knew was that he smiled more around Beef than around anyone else, and his heart raced sometimes, and if that meant that a person had feelings than yeah, maybe Etho did like Beef.

The revelation didn't mean much at first. Etho continued alongside Beef as normal. Then, Etho faced himself with his own feelings. He did like Beef. So, what was he supposed to do about it?

Etho raises an eyebrow at the obsidian structure in Beef's base, blocking the area that the TSDD stood. "What's with the wall?"

"Oh!" Beef begins in an overly-loud voice. "Well, Wels came over the other day, after he tried the TSDD. He told me that it maybe, possibly, made an evil clone of him that wants to destroy the whole server."

Etho suddenly wants to throw up. An evil clone. Beef's duplication machine somehow, some way, brought an evil counterpart to their world. Etho feels dizzy. Was he brought here by some sort of machine? If that was the case, why had he never seen his "normal" self? Would Wels' clone call Tango and Etho out as being one of his kind? What would happen to them then? How did Beef even make a machine that could do such a thing in the first place?

"Hey, Etho," Beef speaks up, and he's suddenly really close, slowly waving his hand at Etho. "Are you okay?"

Etho clears his throat. "Yeah, yeah. Sorry."

"Don't apologize." Beef frowns. "Just stay safe for me, alright?"

Etho can only nod in response, his head still spinning. Beef continues down the hallway as if nothing happened, and Etho is thankful that his friend didn't press him for any details.

The next few weeks pass by normally; well, as normally as they can when Etho always has the thought of Wels' clone in the back of his mind. He's terrified. He doesn't know how he's gone so long with living peacefully, but he wouldn't give it back for anything. How would he live with having his life, and the person he loves, torn from him again?

He receives a hurried message from Tango one morning -- he can tell its hurried by the fact that two words are misspelled -- and Etho rushes to the shopping district. The second he sees what Tango is so freaked out about, his mouth goes dry.

Standing in front of the town hall is a gigantic statue. It's, by most features, a statue of Wels. Except for the striking red eyes. It's clear that this isn't a statue of Welsknight. It's a statue of Helsknight.

Not even two hours later, the Hermits are in the shopping district for an emergency meeting. Etho stands with Beef and Bdubs, who are talking loudly as the trio wait for the meeting to begin. Etho doesn't say much, but he never does in these situations. He glances over at Tango, who sticks out like a sore thumb next to Zedaph and Impulse's excitable conversation. Tango gives Etho a worried look before turning back and attempting to chime into the conversation going on next to him. 

Xisuma speaks up, and the group quickly goes quiet. "So, I'm sure you all know why we're here. I don't need to point out the statue. Wels has stated that this is a statue of his evil counterpart, Hels, who is likely the person who made the structure. Wels let me know that somehow, Beef's duplication device created a clone of himself; one that is constructed only of his evil. I was hoping that he would back down, but it seems like he doesn't have the intentions of going down easily." He pauses for a moment. "I'll be honest with you, I'm not sure what to do in this situation. We have dealt with this situation before, with the clone of myself, but this time I fear we are in real danger. For now, just, please be safe. I don't want to see any of you get hurt."

The meeting dismisses shortly after, and Etho quickly slips back to his base in the jungle. He feels overwhelmed. He had dealt with these feelings of confusion and fear once before, with Evil Xisuma. He had been terrified then that his life was over. Luckily, Evil Xisuma turned out to be not so evil, but this time feels so much different. There's an understanding across the Hermits that Hels is truly evil.

As soon as Etho lands in the grass next to his mob farm, his knees give out. He falls to his hands and knees, discombobulated and emotionally overwhelmed. It takes him a few moments to realize that he's crying, something that he hasn't done since he was a kid, and when he does it turns to a full on sob. He's curled up in the grass, his body shaking.

He's not sure how much time passes before he hears movement. Someone is walking in the grass behind him. He unfurls himself slightly, and he sees Beef walking towards him, looking incredibly concerned. Etho's first instinct is to run, to curl back up and refuse to talk to Beef. He knows he won't get away with that.

"Etho? What's wrong?" Beef asks. Etho can just barely see him through his fingers, but Beef's sitting in the grass next to Etho. 

Etho wipes his tears, rising to sit on his knees. He still doesn't look Beef in the eyes. "I'm fine."

Beef chuckles dryly. "That's not gonna work for me, man."

"I know," Etho croaks, causing Beef to chuckle again.

"Is this about the Hels thing?" Etho stays quiet, not wanting to say anything about the subject. Beef takes this as an unspoken yes. "Etho, we're all going to be fine. We won't let him do any harm.”

"That's... It's not that simple." He so badly wants to spill his heart out to Beef. Etho trusts Beef like no other. 

"Then explain it to me," Beef says, and he lifts his hand up to press against the side of Etho's face. Etho flushes, and he hopes Beef can't feel the heat as he runs his thumb under Etho's eye. "You're upset and I want to understand. I want to help you."

"I can't," Etho speaks softly, voice cracking as he holds back tears. 

"You can." Beef runs his thumb over Etho's cheek again. "You don't have to, but you can."

Etho thinks for a moment. Beef is looking at him so intently, with such concern. Etho grasps Beef's wrist before guiding his hand off of Etho's face. "You know I'm one of them, right?"

Beef tilts his head slightly. "One of what?"

"I'm evil, Beef."

It feels like a weight is being lifted off of his shoulders as the words leave his mouth, but at the same time, Etho is terrified. 

Beef pauses, looking down at the grass below them. "How?"

"I don't know," Etho answered, chuckling to hide the fact the tears are threatening to spill over again. "I was just... born like this, I guess."

Beef bites his lip before saying, "Well, you don't act evil."

"That doesn't mean--"

"Etho." Beef cuts him off, looking up. "You have done nothing but create and give since the moment I arrived here. You are one of the kindest people I have ever met." 

Etho suddenly feels really self conscious. "Why don't you care?"

"Because I know you. What you're supposed to be means nothing, because I know who you are."

Etho wants to cry, both out of relief and out of the pure stress of the whole situation. It's terrifying, admitting who he really is. And Beef, the person he cares about most, is still here. He's still sitting with Etho in the grass, genuine concern on his face. It's overwhelming.

Suddenly, Beef's hands are on both sides of Etho's face, holding him gently. Beef's close, too close, and Etho is afraid he may explode as Beef's eyes wander up and down Etho's face.

"This may be an awful time to ask this," Beef speaks softly, his lips curling into a small smile. "Can I kiss you?"

Etho barely has time to move his mask down as he lunges forward, his body connecting with Beef. Beef falls backwards, Etho tumbling down on top of him and their lips connect, hard and rough but neither of them care. Beef smiles into the kiss, tangling his hands in Etho's soft white hair. 

He's the first to break away, the weight of the situation hitting Etho like a ton of bricks. Beef grins up at him, hands sliding from Etho's hair to his sides. Etho smiles back; a rare smile that is unobstructed by his mask. He's out of breath and he adjusts so he isn't holding himself up with his arms, instead laying completely on Beef. Beef chuckles, and Etho can feel the vibration it causes.

"C'mon, Etho. As much as I'm a fan of this, I would rather be laying on something much more comfortable."

Etho nods, pulling himself back off of Beef before extending his hand to his friend? Boyfriend? He'll figure it out later.

So, they walk hand in hand towards Etho's mess of a base, not saying a word. They don't need to. Etho understands Beef more than anyone else.


End file.
